Monday 23 June 2014

extract from diary of broken heart

Guys, this is my first blog. Read it and do comment for how is it.

So its been days since our break up, an official break up. Break up on the day we talked after 6 months. Break up on the day we met almost after a year. Was it a good day or bad one? What a funny question to ask. To b honest, it was good.
It was evening and my exams had just finished. My heartbeats used to raise every time i  met him but this was different. I wanted to think about what i would talk to him, but i couldn't. There was an hour left so i tried to be as casual in front of my friends. And there it struck 5:00 pm . the time we decided for meeting. THE TIME. I  was nervous. I was breathless. What would happen? I used to get blank in front of him and this time i could not afford to. There were certain answers i was seeking to. I went to see him. He was sitting, waiting for me. And to my surprise i started feeling normal. I felt confident as i stepped towards him to say a "hi". He did too.  He looked same, didnt changed a bit. I was glad. We went to sit in a cafe.
At first we were quiet, den we started talking in tits and bits. He asked-i answered-silence-i asked-he answered-silence and this would repeat. It didnt feel like we were talking after ages. It felt good. Sitting beside him, sharing things.
We talked about my college, his college, my whereabouts, his college mates, my key chain, my accident, my vehicle , his maths, his jokes, his library, words thay i learnt and would keep on repeating in my talks, his catching of those words, my friends, his  friends, idiotic people and every small thing that came in our brains. We were both so afraid to talk about our relationship status but in between d mundane talks ,we did. He asked me for what i wanted to ask to him.At first, I was reluctant to ask him anything so i just smiled. But later i did ask him " why didnt you meet me the last time you came in town?" He said he was busy. He had work to do and meet his relatives so the one month passed very fast. I asked him further "you did come near my place still  didnt bother to call and meet me?" He said he was with his father. I knew he was lying but i pretended to be fine with his answers. He was still playing that lying game which made me feel that it is somewhere all over between us. So i asked him" do you want to continue the relationship or should we move on?" He counter questioned me " what do you want?" I asked him to reply first and this went on between all those general life talks. I later told him dat i would b fine wid whatever he chooses.so he chose to leave. He chose to break up. And you know what , i was totally fine with it. Bcoz i have had my try on working out between us but somewhere i was tired of it. Tired of listening to his lies and his excuses. I didnt wanted him to lie to me. So i said "okay" . I told him dat we would never meet or talk. He asked " not even friends?". I replied "no, not even friends". he said " but we have grown up together , how can v not talk?" I reasoned him with" if we would talk then that  wouldn't change anything between us . I wouldd still wait for you everyday and you would always be in my head". He tried to be fine with this answer. And we again started up with our general talk. There was no crying, no feeling awkward. Somewhere i didnt wanted to leave and i think may be he felt the same. We had time, much time. And we would not leave until someone told us to. We had very similar taste in music and all so he would usually ask me to listen to his favourite bands and movies. But today when he asked me to, i refused coz then that would remind me of him.he started teasing me like he always used to, saying that i am obsessed by him. Somewhere yes, i was! But that was love. I had missed him the last 6 months that we didnt talk to each other. But there was a silent talking between us those months. We both would get online and still not talk. We both would wait for the other person to initiate . We would get online atleast once to check on. Sometimes when i didnt find him i would get worried. But this had to stop. And yes now it did stop. I m glad. So coming back , it was time to go. He had got a call from home. So we stood up. I did felt awkward that time bcoz i wasnt having the upset feeling. He told me " you will have to change someday". i replied "yes, i will". I once again told him the so- called rules of never meeting .
" i would go away from your life as if i never existed." He remained silent for a moment and spoke " it was nice meeting u". i replied "take care!" Bye. Bye and then he went towards his 2-wheeler. At that moment i felt something.i felt real. I just kept standing. No, i couldnt. I started walking fast towards him so that i could meet him before he goes. He was sitting on his vehicle when i reached him. He asked "what happened?".  I took a deep breath , looked into his eyes and said " i love you!". He replied " sure, i love you." His statement was cold and dead. I didnt anyways wanted to hear it coz i didnt wanted to hear lies and this all would not have happened if he loved me. Washing this thought away, I hugged him. I just felt so good. I hugged him more tightly , said bye and left him without looking into his eyes.FULL STOP

THE END.
The end which would never have a new beginning.

When u have walked a mile with someone it is hard to walk alone but it aint impossible.
Go for it and live life, celebrate it.
And anyways pain makes u feel that u r alive

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